The Five Opera Divas of Doom By ValaraukoLulu is from the opera Lulu. Tosca is from the Italian opera Tosca. Carmen is from everyone's favorite French opera set in Spain: Carmen. Brunhilde is from Wagner's opera masterpiece The Ring. Gretal is from the opera most played during the Holidays: Hansel & Gretal. They gather into the theatre to review Cardcaptor Torika by Clowprincess. The five have drawn lots. Lulu is judging the Cover Art, Tosca the Inside Illustrations, Carmen the Character Interaction-mostly Romance. To round off our five, Brunhilde is reviewing Dialogue and Gretal gives an overall opinion of the Fanfic. (Happy Birthday)Act One, Scene 1- Currently listening to Beethoven's 9th Symphony Lulu: Marilyn Monroe voice: Happy Birthday Mr. President! Carmen: It's your birthday party, how old are you? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten! Gretal: Ready or not the review still comes! Tosca: Would Torika prefer a cake or a kiss? Brunhilde: She's ten, Tosca. Ten year olds should not have a love life. Let's get on with it. Lulu: A+ "Not bad for a first issue." Tosca: A+ "Not what we find in Rome, but decent." Carmen: B"Family relations can be fickle, but Torika is much loved. This Gypsy relates." Brunhilde: C "It's a Flashback. What else can I say?" Gretal: A "I enjoyed it. Torika is from a family of good witches." (Mad Dash)Act 1, Scene 2 Gretal: When a witch wants to eat you… Carmen: You had better dash like mad! Oh yes! Brunhilde: When you realize you betrayed your true love… Carmen: You literally dash mad! Tosca: When a corrupt policeman accuses you of murder… Carmen: Do not dash the way Tosca did! Lulu: When you accidently visit Jack the Ripper… Carmen: You cannot dash! Let us review. Lulu: A "It's the same as the last one." Tosca: A+ "I love this artwork!" Carmen: D "No love interests!!!" Brunhilde: B+ "It is so sweet. My love can talk to birds." Gretal: B "No villains." (Discovery!)Act 1, Scene 3 Lulu: Et tu Brute! Brunhilde: I say cue the review! Lulu:A- "Strange." Tosca: A+ "Lulu is evil. Do not believe a word she says." Carmen: C+ "I am a softie for familial relationships." Brunhilde: A "It is becoming more important." Gretal: B+ "Ms.Avery is an evil witch. Also, my spellchecker wants me to change her name into Slavery. Watch out Torika! (Swimming Pools and Star Cards) Act 1, Scene 4-Currently Listening to Carmen Suite No.1 Carmen: Huh? No bull fights! I should just stay at home and sleep. Lulu: And those ridiculous outfits! No lady should expose that amount of skin, Tosca: I get it! It's dancing in water! Brunhilde: I like swimming. But why are men watching them? Gretal: Eww… Lulu: Let us get one with the reviews. Lulu: B+ "My second husband was a painter. Nothing personal." Tosca: A+ "She murdered her first husband in order to marry him." Carmen: B "Now there's a lack of communication! Not in this chapter though." Brunhilde: B "I agree with Carmen. And Valarauko is making us listen to her song." Gretal: A "I like this chapter!" (Flower Storm)Act 1, Scene 5- Currently Listening to It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year Tosca: You need to scrub that floor. You do not want your father to evict you. Carmen: When did that happen to you? Tosca: It happened to a Shakespearean chick. Brunhilde: By the way, does anyone know why Juliet never talks to me? Gretal: Juliet and Isolde are arguing again over who is the best. Brunhilde: Again? It figures, play the review. Lulu: B "My husband was a better painter than Tosca's boyfriend." Tosca: A+ "The loser who followed you into poverty?" Carmen: D "Cards make for poor friends." Gretal: A- "Keep at it." (The Song that Never Ends) Act 1, Scene 6- Currently Listening to Silent Night Tosca: Who do you think reminds you the most of Ophelia: Torika or Maddy? Carmen: Both! Lulu: Torika should have hired a Maid and an Opera star to audition for her, Brunhilde: Marry a Prince and never do housework ever. Gretal: Kill a witch and get rich! Carmen: Let us review. Lulu: B- "Do not sing unless the role is Lulu!" Tosca: A "Torika's costume was awful." Carmen: C "Clapping is not a romantic gesture." Brunhilde: C "Torika's self-doubt is horrible. We Norsemen hate guilt." Gretal: B+ "It was a good story. It would have been better if it was an Opera." (Illusion Confusion) Act 1, Scene 7 :FODoD are crying: Lulu: B "Don't remind me that I was a prostitute!" Tosca: B "Big eyes are a turnoff. And scary." Carmen: A+ "Dump Kero." Brunhilde: C "Huffs off to you, Clowprincess!" Gretal: A+ "Can I open my eyes now?" Everyone Else: No! (Torika, the Cat Burglar) Act 1, Scene 8 Carmen: I was smuggler stuff & Don Carlos killed me. Tosca: Museum property is museum property unless the curators work for the black market. Brunhilde: Just trick your Uncle into buying that sword for you! Gretal: The Five Opera Divas of Dooms message is simple. Don't steal! Lulu: B- "Comfortable and unique it was 200 years ago." Tosca: A "I wish ZiZi was here." Carmen: B+ "Madame Butterfly is a snob." Brunhilde: C "How would a ten year old get a lock pick code?" Gretal: D "Robbery is wrong. 'Nuff said. (The New Girl) Act 1, Scene 9 Lulu: Countess Brewski? Carmen: Cigarette Factory Girl #3? Tosca: Bordeaux? Gretal: You brought some drinks? Brunhilde: Just hand me the beer and the Fanfics. Lulu: A+ "Joy to the whiskey…" Tosca: A+ "The wine has come." Brunhilde: A+ "Let the mug receive it's beer!" Carmen: A+ "May every rum glass prepare it room." Gretal: A+ "And a virgin Shirely Temple for me!" Valaraukos' Note: Drink only if you are over 21. Drink responsibly. Driving under the influence of alchohal will result in prison time. Happy Holidays! (The Bully) Act 1, Scene 10- Everyone is sober. Lulu: I have the spirit sword! Tosca: Who let Lulu near an arcade? Brunhilde: Lulu is Tina's greatest aunt! Lulu: Where is my gun? Gretal: They took it away from you in prison. Carmen: Sakura, Tina has Klingon blood! :Everyone else blinks: Carmen: Valarauko loves Star Trek…cue the review! Lulu: C- "I need an aspirin." Tosca: B "Too many fight scenes." Carmen: A+ "Fight scenes rock!" Brunhilde: C "What dialogue?" Gretal: B- "The feeling of filler is in the air. Children are fighting everywhere. (Schoolyard Rivalry) Act 1, Scene 11 Lulu: I got A's in Obediance. Tosca: I got A's in sewing. Carmen: I got A's in life. Brunhilde: My name does not have an A. Gretal: Mine does and so does the review! Lulu: D "Color is not everything." Tosca: C "Fuzzy. Ballerinas want perfection!" Carmen: A+ "Tension is wonderful." Brunhilde: A+ "Lots of Dialogue. I am in Valhalla." Gretal: B+ "Finally a villain." Lulu: Rival. Gretal: Madison Taylor voice: "Whatever." (Thunder's Fury) Act 1, Scene 12 Lulu: Who is Fury? Carmen: I am! Tosca: No I am! Brunhilde: Gretal is. Gretal: No I am not, and let us move on with the review! Lulu: D- "D for Delightful the first time." Tosca: C "No more fuzzy backgrounds please!" Carmen: C "It feels like a rerun." Brunhilde: C "Donner hates Torika." Gretal: C- "I agree with Don Near!" (Wizard of a Blizzard) Act 1, Scene 13 Lulu: Judy Garland voice: We are off to see the Wizard! Carmen: The Wonderful Wizard of Blizzard! :Brunhilde and Gretal double over in laughter: Tosca: Because because because… these three cannot see an a! Lulu: E+ "I've seen better." Tosca: A+ "The snowflakes regained my confidence in your abilities. Carmen: B+ "The rivalry is amusing, although a bit pointless in my opinion." Brunhilde: A "At least it made for above average dialogue." Gretal: A "Clowprincess is steadily improving, last issue was just a dud. It happened to Mozart. At the least, I can lie and say it was Mozart. (A Ghost Story) Act 1, Scene 14 Lulu: Son, avenge me! :dramatic Shakespearean pose: Brunhilde: Hamlet should sue. Carmen: The father or the son? Gretal: There are two Hamlets? Can I have an omelet instead? Tosca: This is about Clowprincess's Fanfic, not Hamlet. Lulu: E "Everybody enjoyed this issue." Tosca: A+ "The art is consistent with last issue." Carmen: B- "Torika I have five words for you: learn to cheat at cards." Brunhilde: A+ "I love long stories and poems." Gretal: A- "It was very good, but not as good as last time. (Double Trouble) Act 1, Scene 15 Lulu: Boil and trouble, eye of Nathan, tongue of Brett, and heart of Fred… Tosca: No more Shakespeare please! This is not about Shakespeare! Lulu: Why can't it be? Tosca: Comparing Shakespeare to Torika would make many roll in their graves. :ground rumbles as if in trouble: Brunhilde :screams : I am sorry but Isolde is a good friend of mine!!! Gretal :on cell phone: The manager says they are fixing the basement plumbling. Carmen: Huh! Just role the review already! Lulu: E- "The Company from Warwick was not up to par with performing." Tosca: A+ "Lulu means she fell asleep watching Shakespearean Hour and forgot to review." Carmen: B "I don't see a lot of trouble. Except for the E-." Brunhilde: B+ "Yeah! Wagner worthy dialogue! I am so happy!" Gretal: B+ "You worked hard on this issue." (Natsume's A-Maze-ing Fear) Act 1, Scene 16 Carmen: The title is horrible! Why don't you just name it Natsume and stop for the day? Brunhilde: The author thinks breaking up the word is cleaver. Tosca: I think so too. Lulu: Of course, you are sucking up to her so you can get mentioned in a Fanfic! Tosca: Am not! Gretal: Will you quit it so the audience can get the review? Lulu: F "I have two words for you Clowprincess…" Tosca: A+ "No way?" Carmen: B "It cannot be any way. That isn't Lulu." Brunhilde: B "Valarauko loves pro-wrestling. New Year order is inspired by nWo. Gretal: A+ "Who doesn't like John Cena? Or Torika if I might add." (A Little Problem in a Big Way) Act 1, Scene 17 Brunhilde: Anyone else wish the titles were subtler? Carmen: I wish they were less creative and more direct. Gretal: Just put the name in the title and leave it at that . Tosca: Try to stick to one name per character. Poor Cio-Cio San . Lulu: Who? Tosca: Madame Butterfly. We are both Puccini creations of the early 1900s. Lulu: I was created in 1937 but my story is set in Victorian England. Enough about me! Lulu: G "G is for Geisha, in honor of poor Cio-Cio San." Tosca: B "The eyes scare me. So does Lulu's ability to change her mind in a split second." Carmen: C "Show me the interaction! I dare you!" Brunhilde: C "Show me the dialogue or lack of it! All this chasing is mindless. Grrr…" Gretal: C+ "Simply average. Cute but average." (A Never Ending Day) Act 1, Scene 18 Gretal: Any relation to the Never Ending Story? Lulu: I hope not, Gretal. That movie is highly overrated. Tosca: This commentary will not be never-ending! Lulu: "H is for Hope which I have little of in regards to Torika's Klingon ambassadorship." Tosca: C "Clowprincess has told Valarauko she isn't a Trekkie but that costume raises suspicison." Carmen: A+ "Most character reaction so far!" Brunhilde: C- "The dialogue repeats with the day." Gretal: "This issue is mixed as some greatness has to be abandoned for others." (Roots of Friendship) Act 1, Scene 19 Lulu: Necessity. : Everyone pelts here with popcorn: Lulu: I "I for Illustrated. Don't ask." Tosca: A+ "Madame Butterfly would like Torika." Carmen: A "Enjoyable, lack of romance shameful but tolerable." Brunhilde: A- "Nice, not exactly what I like but good." Gretal: A "We all have our ups and downs." (Meilin's Return) Act 1, Scene 20 Tosca: She lived through the series. Carmen: In an Opera the odds are 1000-1 that the lead female role will be dead by curtain call. Lulu: It is not Opera. Brunhilde: What if it was? Gretal: They would still live happily ever after. Lulu: J "J is for Jelly which Torika cannot make." Tosca: C "Why is Tai cooking? Scarpia would have butchered him for such unmanliness!" Carmen: D "Every woman should know how to cook." Brunhilde: D "Aye, even the Valkryies serve the noble dead in Asgard!" Gretal: D "I hate candy." (A Unicorn's Tale) Act 1, Scene 21 Carmen: laughing : This is turning into a fairytale! Gretal: So it seems. Why? Carmen: No offense Gretal. I thought this story was supposed to be close to reality. Tosca: My Opera is close to reality. Thos Fanfic is not. Lulu: Thank God for that. Tosca: What did you just say? Brunhilde: Desist with the fighting and review already! Lulu: K "K is for Koko." Tosca: B "Koko was a famous Fleischer animated clown." Carmen: A+ "Torika is an animated character." Brunhilde: A "Aye, the Gypsy speaks truth!" Gretal: B+ "A very good chapter. Clowprincess take a bow." (Strange Weather) Act 1, Scene 22 Gretal: Yes! We have found a subtle title. Tosca: Strange Weather. Genius! Lulu: Still waiting for that two word title of greatness. Brunhilde: Death perhaps? Gretal: Or love? Lulu: No, it's something else… Carmen: The End? Lulu: Yes! Lulu: L "L for Lucky. Clowprincess is lucky this isn't published." Tosca: A+ "She should just to spite you!" Carmen: C "She should get a more suitable husband than all of us." Brunhilde: A+ "Nobody is better than my Siegfried. But this dialogue comes close." Gretal: B "They are so mushy they forget that Cardcaptors is geared towards children." (The Enigma Unfurled) Act 1, Scene 23 Tosca: In respect of the title we will get straight to what needs to be done. Lulu: M "M is Melin. I don't like her at all." Tosca: A+ "You rarely read these Fanfics." Carmen: D "Going to school when you are that sick is not only not thinking about your own health but everyone elses." Brunhilde: D "Sick spirits speak little." Gretal: C "I will skip the poetry and say it was average." (Lady Torika, the Dragon Knight) Act 1, Scene 24 Brunhilde: Dragons are evil in Teutonic believes. One dragon gnaws at the World Tree in Neiflheim. Another was the sorceror Fafnir, who turned into a dragon to guard The Ring. My love Siegfried slain him. Lulu: N "N is for non-compliance. In this case a boycott out of respect for Brunhilde's feelings." Tosca: F "Brunhilde, you are a strong woman. This team would not be the same without you." Carmen: F "Your love for Siegfried is genuine." Brunhilde: F "Thank You." Gretal: F "Our friendship is greater than any Dragon Knight, Brunhilde. Never forget that." (The Third Element) Act 1, Scene 25 Lulu: The third element is Reality. Tosca: SARSA rules. Carmen: What? Gretal: Suspense Action Reality Surprise Anticipation. Brunhilde: Where is that expression from? Tosca: Eric Bischoffs' Controversy Creates Ca$h. Lulu: O "O is for Outstandingly modest for a change." Tosca: A+ "I agree the outfit is nice." Carmen: B "So is the character interaction." Brunhilde: B "Aye, what a good battle that Torika triumphed over!" Gretal: B+ "This Fanfic is victoriuous." (The Secret of Clow) Act 1, Scene 26 Tosca: Where is the clown? Lulu: Clow not clown you Italian bimbo! Brunhilde: You two argue like the eagle & the dragon! Carmen: Like two street urchins over a pack of ciggerates! Gretal: Like Rumpelstiltskin and that Queen! Lulu: P "P is for Puccini, who would have laughed at the mishaps here." Tosca: A+ "No he would not!" Carmen: A+ "What happens at the end of every Puccini Opera?" Brunhilde: A+ "Tales too sad for Clowprincess to stand." Gretal: A+ "I think Clowprincess could more than stand the tragedies that befall Tosca & Cio-Cio San." (Trading Places) Act 1, Scene 27 Q appears. He says, "Girls I am thinking of destroying these Fanfics because they are insignificant to the Galaxy. Anything you would like to say?" Lulu: Q "Q is for Q who is very annoying." Tosca: A+ "It is more amusing than dablo." Carmen: B "More pleasing than an Orion Slave Girl." Brunhilde: C "More intoxicating than Romulan ale." Gretal: B- "And would get better ratings than Enterprise!" |